Why you are unhappy!

Published June 25, 2023 in Category

Why you are unhappy!

There were 2 quotes I read while I was studying the Science of Happiness which left me a bit annoyed;
1. Happiness is a choice!
(Which always made me wonder, if it was just that simple, why don’t people actually choose it? Why are people still choosing unhappiness?)
2. Happiness is our natural state!
(then why is the world so stuck in this unnatural state of constant unhappiness?)

As I introspected, looked at myself & the people around me, I realised a few things:

Most people don’t know themselves, so they don’t know what would make them truly happy. They land up choosing things they think will make them happy only to realise later it was a wrong choice
· People are unwilling to be themselves & be different – they are afraid of being rejected for who they are, so follow the herd & choose what everyone else is choosing. Aware that they are choosing something they don’t want, yet lacking the courage to follow their heart.
· People don’t actually want to choose happiness, because happiness is way too boring –emotional rollercoasters & nerve-racking daily dramas are so much more exciting!
· People prefer to conform to parents/ family/ society & play it small, rather than be courageous people who take charge of their lives, challenge & choose different things for themselves, to truly play it big! And that’s again because we falsely think we are small and insignificant!

· We are too scared to stop and look at what is making us unhappy, because we are afraid we cannot handle it. So we keep mindlessly indulging [or overindulging] in things one after another. With the hope that if we ignore it long enough it will go away. But it only chases you harder and continuously running is exhausting!
I invite you to take a pause here and introspect, how many of these can you relate to? I know this was my truth 7 years ago! But through love, patience, courage and diligently working on getting to know myself, I have learnt to choose happiness every day, effortlessly!

So what is happiness and how can you learn to be happier?

Happiness is an inside job! And while there are many books written on happiness and how to become happier, the one road I find surest is self-awareness & self-love.
It requires you going within & introspecting, becoming curious about the things you choose, feel, avoid, reject, love, hate and just get to know yourself. A huge & critical skill required is childlike curiosity! When you look within with curiosity, not judgement, you will find the joy of self-discovery and reclaim your power to choose consciously.

As you become more conscious of your inner world, you will find it easier to understand why you do the things you do or why you are the way you are. You will find it easier to have empathy for the choices & mistakes you made, you will find it easier to forgive yourself, knowing you did best given the circumstances and your maturity level back then. You will begin to love yourself, respect and treat yourself right. You will stop judging yourself and therefore, accept the people around you more. You will be happier and so with they!
Making that inner journey into those dark places that you keep running away from looking at is tough, no doubt! But as you gather the courage to look within, learn to accept, understand & love yourself, you will become happier. Your self-awareness & love will guide your decisions and you will find yourself dropping the habits that you were unconsciously indulging in that made you unhappy.
You will stop pleasing people & start working on what makes you really happy. And then we realise, there is no greater & easier happiness, than the one that comes from Being You! As Dr. Dain Heer says, Be You and change the world!

A Happier you makes the world happier too!

Here are 5 simple journaling prompts around self-love and self-discovery:

"What are three things I genuinely love & appreciate about myself? How do these qualities positively impact my life and the lives of others around me?"

"What activities or hobbies make me feel most alive and fulfilled? How can I incorporate more of these activities into my daily life?"

“What are the things I do everyday which I dislike or even hate? Why do I choose to do them? Who am I trying to please? What is required so I can start doing less of this?”

"Write about a dream or aspiration I have always wanted to pursue but hesitated to do so. What fears or doubts hold me back, and how can I show myself more compassion and encouragement to take that first step?"

"Describe a recent emotional trigger or setback I faced. How did I respond to it, and what did I learn about myself in the process? Why do I feel this way? When was the first time I felt this way?"

Remember, journaling is a personal and introspective practice. Allow yourself to be honest and kind to yourself as you explore these prompts. It's an opportunity to discover more about who you are and cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and understanding. Happy journaling!
And remember, the more you love and understand yourself, the easier it will be for you to choose true & lasting happiness!

PS – if you find the idea of embarking on this journey of self-discovery daunting or scary, it’s absolutely okay. I did too, I resisted it for 6 months before I was forced to sit with myself and face my demons. I was lucky that I had the unconditional love & support of my therapist & coaches. I realised, in the beginning it is easier to work with a professional than work alone. If you would like to work with me, and have a fun time discovering yourself, click here. I’d be honoured to teach you how to navigate your inner world and actually have fun doing it! It’s honestly much easier than you think!

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