Taming the little inner voice

Published June 25, 2023 in Category

Taming the little inner voice

Have you noticed that little voice in your head? That annoying little voice you wish you could press the MUTE button on!

The voice that pokes holes in your hot air balloon of dreams as you get ready to rise, with statements like –

“you cannot do this, you are pathetic, you’ll fail, they will laugh, you are not worthy/ good/ beautiful, blah, blah blah.” The one that is always talking to you, nagging - telling you to be safe, avoid this, control that, says I don’t know.

The little voice still going in loops about something that happened weeks ago, ruminating & wallowing in self-pity, guilt or regret, keeping you stuck, unproductive, anxious, frustrated, fearful & procrastinating.
Now if you pay attention to the little voice you will notice:

It’s always there - constantly chatting, whether you are listening or not, it is always on, processing things from the past, present and future.

It is usually negative - Telling you how “history will repeat itself, you will fail, they won’t like you, you’re never going to be able to be successful, etc.”

You believe it as true – And then every little event reinforces it

It sounds familiar – It sounds like your parents, granny, 3rd grade teacher, first boss, etc. Someone who judged you ages back, whose words still sting you and worse, you have made them yours.

That little inner voice is the cause of almost all our problems. And before we get into the tips to manage it, here are some insights into why we think the way we think.

Firstly, get this - 98% of our thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs & mental models are not ours.

We have received them as childhood conditioning, society & cultural norms, family/ religious/ academic beliefs. Take any one thing you strongly believe in or think about yourself and ask – “where did I learn this?” or “who said this to me?” And you will realize that it came from somewhere outside of you. And this is important to note because if it didn’t come from you, and it isn’t working for you or adding ease & joy to your life, you do not need to keep it! Just acknowledge I and let it go!

Secondly, the voice is an unconscious carry forward of our unresolved past experiences and childhood conditioning.

We were brought up with a barrage of advice that was meant to keep us from failing; not to take our chances, learn and grow, but always to not make mistakes, not fail. There is a huge difference.

Lastly, remember this –

Nothing has any meaning other than the meaning you attach to it and your point of view creates your reality. And the chatter is just the meaning or narrative you are unconsciously choosing.

To lead a fulfilling, successful and happy life, we require a growth mindset.

One where we are always aware of our thoughts, asking questions, looking for possibilities, taking action, assessing the progress, fine tuning the approach, learning, failing, growing, achieving and giving gratitude!
And here are my top 3 recommendations to help you manage that negative inner talk & cultivate a conscious growth mindset:

Acknowledge, firmly dismiss & ask questions.

These are the things I would say to my inner voice - “Thank you for sharing! That is an interesting point of view… but I know that is not the truth. I am choosing to see it differently”
I also often ask – “Who does it even belong to?” [i.e. the judgement or conclusion] And then I imagine sending it back to whoever I bought it from.

Re-write the narrative consciously

I ask myself – “Is this the meaning I want to attach to it? Is it kind? Is it helping me? If I was writing this narrative consciously right now, how would I choose to write it? What would the tone be?” and then I re-write the narrative reaffirming and reinforcing beliefs that actually help me, which sometimes can be as simple as – “I can do this, I am ready, I am more than enough, I totally deserve this.”

Be kind to yourself & make a decision, learn & grow

Imagine being your own best friend. This is very useful when you are regretting the past, unable to move forward and can’t stop beating yourself up. Talk to yourself like your best friend would – acknowledge it happened & how you are feeling, remind yourself you did the best you could in that moment, be kind, make a decision to learn & grow by asking - “what did you learn? what would you do differently next time?”, forgive yourself and let the emotions go. And of course – say “I love you!”

It will be easy on some days, tough on some and like all healthy habits, ‘minding the mind’ is a muscle you build & will take some practice. But I promise you, if you do this for at least 3 weeks, research shows that you will successfully rewire your thinking pattern to be more positive & growth oriented.

Remember, your mind is your greatest ally or worst enemy depending on your ability to manage it. You can use it to either bulldoze yourself into misery or nurture yourself & live your greatest life my managing the little inner voice.
In case no one told you today – you are awesome!

Joyfully yours,
Janki Ravani
Founder & Chief Happiness Coach
House of Happiness

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